she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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