bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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