Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
