So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
A bitchslap is in order.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
