Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
