somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
