I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
