i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Randomize
