question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I just found puke in my bra..
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
