you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
