u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
