My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I think I am morally bankrupt
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
