Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
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