you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
