You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
