i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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