so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
