Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
