alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Randomize
