I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
