oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
