We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
