Just mADE A PArabola og urine
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
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