better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
