Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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