If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Randomize
