I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I'm gonna fight the coyote
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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