im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
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