I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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