when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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