You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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