Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
