He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
