You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
