I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
