I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
