So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
