walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
