I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
