If i could tip my vagina, i would.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Randomize
