Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
