i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize