Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
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