Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
