absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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