I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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