just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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