best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Randomize
