If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
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