my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
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