perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
