just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
