Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
