I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Randomize
