she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
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