help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
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