What did we do last night that was yellow?
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
