Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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