Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Randomize
