He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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