Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
