I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
