I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
He kissed a someone with a penis
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
