I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
