She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
What changed your mind?
Being sober
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
