I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
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