It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
