Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
