I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
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